January 7, 2009 E-MAIL PRINT

Parents must learn to back away

by Heather Burke/

Parents shouldn’t hover over their child’s ski lesson. Let the pros do their thing, and let your kids make new friends and learn the new sport with the experts. (photo: Greg Burke)

Parents shouldn’t hover over their child’s ski lesson. Let the pros do their thing, and let your kids make new friends and learn the new sport with the experts. (photo: Greg Burke)

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"Parents are their own worst nightmare," said Ian Burke, ski instructor at Sunday River in Maine. Ian is my son, he started teaching skiing this season at the age of 16 and is in charge of the munchkins aged 3-6 just learning to ski.

“Parents can really mess up a good thing by not trusting the instructor to do their job,” he said. “When parents insist on hanging around a ski lesson, they distract their own child from learning and from having fun.”

Wise words from my son, makes me proud. I taught skiing when I was a teenager, Ian’s father did, too, and so did my mom (Ian’s grandmother). So, the ski instructor legacy continues. Apparently, the annoying behavior of paying parents continues, too.

I remember how parents would peek in on ski lessons, and once their child spotted them, the waterworks would start. It was so frustrating because, moments before, their child was having a great time, linking little pizza pie turns on the snow. Then like a bad dream, the child sees Mom or Dad and cries out for them. All the instructor’s efforts to bond with their student skier are gone as the child desperately wants to go back to the overprotective parents.

I have been on both sides of the ski lesson, as a former ski instructor and a parent myself. I understand that it’s hard to let go of your pride and joy, entrusting a complete stranger with your bundle. But when you fork over nearly a hundred bucks for a ski lesson, don’t be a “smother,” hand over your child with your trust.

Here are some tips to help you, your child and your instructor get the most from a ski lesson.

► Prepare your child ahead of time that Mom and Dad will be taking them to ski camp but not staying.

► Tell them about the fun day ahead of learning to ski and making new friends at ski camp. Present the day of adventure in a positive light, as a snow playdate.

► Don’t spring the ski lesson on them last minute, and don’t disappear when they’re not looking. Kids are just little people, they are not stupid. And don’t make a prolonged goodbye at dropoff, either, that just makes it harder on everyone (the instructors included).

Ski lessons and all-day camps are pricey, but your child will receive professional instruction with an emphasis on safety (priceless). Instructors are trained to create a fun learning environment — something that can’t develop with POS (code for “parent over shoulder”). Another key to success is that your child is with similar-sized new skiers — peer mentoring occurs, too, but not with helicopter parents hovering.

Said Ian: “The parents that drop their kids off, wave a happy smile and go off and have a great ski day themselves definitely get the best value. Their kids get a great lesson and make new friends. When Mom and Dad return at the end of the lesson, everyone has had a good time. It’s a win-win-win.”

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